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So, I was discussing the need to establish a stand-alone test network for the latest version of the Quark Publishing System (QPS) with some of my company's higher-ups, when all of a sudden my adam's apple shot to the base of my jaw like an 8 year old to a pony ride at a carnival. Then the top of my head started to sweat. Severe discomfort was being experienced as a certain part of my anatomy was trapped like an otter with its head caught in a bear trap, in that hole in my boxer briefs. The hardest things was trying to hold composure and not just writhe in agony. Then there was the attempt to free the hostage..... I tried to use ancient Chinese breathing techniques and abdominal muscle control to free myself but to no avail. I was still confined. The Feng Shui in my pants was off and it wasn't helping. This was going to require more effort than I had wished. How to put your hands in your pants during an important meeting..... First of all, this meeting was important. I really did not want to prematurely end it by being slapped by a co-worker of the opposite sex. This was going to be difficult for someone without a James Bondesque support team. I needed a diversion. Hmmm, could I use the tucking in the shirt trick? No, too risque for that meeting. A thought popped into my head. I had a plan. I was going to pull the "Exaggerated sneeze but there's really nothing in my hand trick". I started the lead in, the nose wrinkle, the cheek frump, the eye twitch, and ba-boom and loud forceful faux sneeze blasted forth from muscles deep within my gut. As my body recoiled, I imperceptibly reached down and gave my pants a yank to prepare for the adjustment. Then I feigned a look of disapproval at a the implied mass of schmuutz in my hand. Someone handed me a box of tissues and I used one hand to wipe and one hand to adjust. Ahhhhhhh, relief without any permanent damage. And the meeting went on..... |
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