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So, I was about to celebrate my 35th traffic stop..... The ride was back from Huntington, where I had just consumed an absolutely delicious meal consisting of perfectly Seared Chilean Sea Bass, superbly steamed spinach, and fluffy garlic mashed potatoes. After dinner the party that I was with went to a small upscale bar in Huntington to embibe a few libations. Of course I wasn't partaking of the embibing for two reasons. The first reason was that I was in training for a 350 mile bike ride and the second was that I had to drive home from Huntington. I went to this little Jazz club and had my $1200 car valet parked. .....Because its always fun to watch the valets try to drive a stick. And because it was mandatory valet parking..... The party rolled on for a few hours with many "interesting" people stopping to join the celebration. At about 11pm I realized that I was about an hour from home and I would be waking up to ride several miles on a bike, in about 7 hours. So, I decided it was time to say my goodbyes. After that, I proceeded to leave the club to forge home. Since it was late and it was St. Patrick's Day I thought that maybe it would be a good idea to take it slow going home. From taking it slow to Light speed in nanoseconds.... Or The heaviest foot in existance...... Well, taking it slow didn't last too long. I left the parking lot of the Jazz bar and rapidly picked up my pace. I'm not sure why but, whenever I am on the Nothern State Parkway I end up going way faster than the posted speed limit. Things were going well, not too much traffic. I made it to the MeadowBrook Parkway in a few short minutes. The Meadowbrook had some vehicles cruising down it but it was by no means congested. Of course others cars seem to always be in your way, when you are doing 40-60 MPH over the posted limit. In order to avoid impacts, I was shooting across all three lanes and it was going very smootly. Then, all of a sudden a car came up on my heels like I was standing still. Since I had come down to a nice modest speed of about 95 MPH, I knew that couldn't be an ordinary vehicle..... Because, hey no one is that crazy.... right? 
My fears were correct. It was a police cruiser. It was directly behind me. It had no lights flashing yet so, I didn't panic right off. I released the gas pedal and allowed my car to naturally slow to a more humane speed, in about 20 seconds I was at a mere 60 MPH. Still no lights and sirens. I was in the middle lane with the cruised behind doing a solid 60 MPH. This was annoying me. I signaled to the right and pulled to the right lane. The lights and sirens came on, I was being pulled over. I pulled of the Meadowbrook Parkway and came to a stop. A Voice barked from behind me over an intercom system, "PULL FARTHER TO THE RIGHT!" Normally, because of the great regularity with which I get pulled over, I'm not even nervous anymore. But for this occassion, I feel that it was now officially appropriate to crap my pants because this officer was obviously either not amused or didn't have enough bran in his diet. I moved my vehicle farther to the right. The officer approached my vehicle, (I expected him to come with his gun drawn) and growled, "License and Registration!" I will add that he left off the "Please" at the end of that statement. But I didn't point it out to him..... Then he questioned, "Were you trying to outrun me?" I stated, "No." The devil on my shoulder said, "If I was trying to outrun you, we wouldn't be talking right now, would we?", "Your car would have skidded into a ditch someplace, while I sped away laughing." The cop said, "Did you see me behind you?" I said, "Well, I saw you when you were right behind me." He said, "Do you know what this is about?" I said, "Yes, I am tired and I am just trying to get home." He asks, "Are you going home all the way to Barryville tonight?" Writer's Note: Barryville is my home town. My Driver's license still has my address as the one in Barryville. Barryville is far away from where I currently live. I said, "No" He says, "Where are you going home to tonight?" I say, "Baldwin" Then I asked, "Do you know of Barryville?" The officer states, "Yeah, I did some service around Liberty, Narrowsburg, that area." I ask, "Do you know Joe Blow?"(fictious name, used to protect the innocent) Writer's Note: Joe Blow (fictious name, used to protect the innocent) happens to be a local police officer in my hometown. He says, "Yes, do you know him? I state, "Yes, our families go way back....." (which is a true statement) He asks, "Well, then I guess I should cut you a break?" I say, "Well, if you insist." He says, "If you run in Joe Blow tell him that Officer Jeff Blow says hello, now get the hell out of here and take it slow!" I said, "Thanks, I will tell him." |